Delayed Emotions of Abortion

The aftermath of any abortion is never easy for anyone. Yet for some, the emotions and effects do not unfold all at once. This is known as a "delayed response" – where negative emotions which correspondingly affect one's behaviours and relationships could surface at randomized timings, long after the physical experience has concluded.

Why May One Face Delayed Emotions

Short Term

In the immediate days following an abortion, an overwhelming influx of emotions such as guilt and shame may occur, amplified by the sudden drop in pregnancy hormones (e.g., estrogen, progesterone) which alter one's emotions. The change in emotions may stimulate shock and survival instincts, shifting one's focus to resuming a sense of normalcy. As a result, they live in a state of denial where their painful emotions are temporarily suppressed and ignored. Some are under the impression that regaining control of their lives will outweigh and help them cope with their immediate situation.

Long Term

However, when an individual undergoes lifestyle and/or circumstantial changes in the long run, specific events can trigger their long-buried emotions to finally surface. These include:

• Abortion Anniversary Date: Anniversaries often carry symbolic weight as it reminds someone of the date they made their choice and experienced the event. Even if they have not consciously marked it, the body and mind can "remember" it, triggering their waves of negative emotions to resurface.

• Children of Similar Ages: Witnessing children of a similar age their aborted child would have been can trigger "what if" thoughts, as one grieves over the unknown possibility of who their lost child could have grown to become.

• New Pregnancy: Regardless of whether a woman has given birth or experienced pregnancy before, a new pregnancy after an abortion can be a painful reminder of a woman's choice and/or circumstances at the time of their abortion, causing feelings of guilt and sadness to resurface.

• Estimated Due Date (EDD) Anniversary: Every EDD anniversary directly reflects on the age the child would have been, triggering feelings of sadness when one realises all the missed milestones they failed to provide for their child.

• Parenting: Parenting is an amazing experience that takes an individual to a new stage of life. The opportunity to experience parenting after one has had an abortion could trigger negative feelings as they realise all the parenthood opportunities they could have had.

• Shift in Circumstances: The transition to more positive circumstances in the areas of one's lifestyle, relationships, or support systems can make one feel a sense of guilt and worthlessness. Some may beat themselves up for having failed to withstand hardships in the past, wondering whether they deprived their unborn child of the opportunity to live a more favourable life.

Having delayed emotions after an abortion and being unaware of how to cope with them are not a sign of weakness nor something to be ashamed of since they can catch us off guard. Healing from an abortion does not follow a strict timeline, it is perfectly normal for feelings to emerge weeks, months, or even years later. Rather, it is more important to recognise if you or someone you know is struggling with these emotions, so that the necessary steps can allow one to cope and recover.

Support for Unplanned Pregnancies

We understand that not every pregnancy is planned, and it can be a difficult and emotional time. If you or someone you know is facing an unplanned pregnancy, you are not alone. You can reach out to us at 9183 4483 to speak to someone who understands and can guide you through your next steps. We are here for you, and we want to help you.