Learning to Stay: A Partner’s Journey Through An Unplanned Pregnancy
- Charmaine Kek
- 2 hours ago
- 3 min read
When O first found out about the pregnancy, his reaction was not simple.
“At first I was surprised,” he shares. “Then I started to think about our financial capacity, my partner’s physical condition, and whether we were ready or not.”
His thoughts moved quickly. To responsibility, to practical concerns, to what the future might look like.
But his partner’s response was different.
“She loves babies,” he says. “She also works in a helping profession. So she wanted to keep, and started looking for resources.”
In that moment, they were standing in the same situation, but not in the same emotional place.
When Intentions Are Misunderstood
Like many couples navigating an unplanned pregnancy, the difference in their reactions led to tension.
“Yes, we had misunderstandings and conflicts,” he shares. “My actions made her feel like I wanted to abort the baby without discussing it with her.”
That assumption created distance. “It made her feel lonely in that journey.”
Looking back, O recognises that even without saying certain words directly, his actions and concerns were felt deeply by his partner.
“I tried to share my thoughts with her and also listen to hers,” he says. “So that we could understand each other better.”
It did not resolve everything immediately. But it was a start.
Learning to Be There
As the journey continued, he began to realise something important. “Listening to my partner and spending time with her,” he says, “that was what mattered.”
Because beyond decisions and plans, there was an emotional reality.
“In that journey, it can be scary and stressful if they are the only one facing it.”
O wanted to support her. He tried his best.
“But I still made her feel lonely,” he admits. “And I caused her stress. I also made her feel down.”
There is honesty in O's reflection. Not to dwell in guilt, but to acknowledge the impact.
Support is not just about intention. It is also about how it is experienced.
Choosing to Face It Together
Over time, his approach began to shift.
“I learnt to face it together with my partner,” he says. “Instead of jumping to conclusions.”
Rather than reacting quickly, he started to look for support and information.
“I looked for resources available in Singapore,” he shares. “And I wanted to seek advice from doctors about my partner’s body condition.”
His concerns did not disappear, especially around her health.
“My partner’s body condition isn't the best,” he says. “So I wanted to see what I could do for her.”
At the core of it was something simple:
“As much as possible, I want to keep my partner’s safety as a priority.”
Growing Through the Tension
This journey did not remove the uncertainty. It did not make everything easy.
But it changed something in how O showed up.
He learnt that:
Listening matters more than assuming.
Presence matters more than quick solutions.
Support, and sometimes repair, takes time.
And perhaps most importantly, that love is not just about feeling ready.
It is about choosing to stay, to learn, and to walk through the uncertainty together.
Heard & Held
In an unplanned pregnancy, partners may not always feel the same things at the same time. There can be fear, hesitation, and even misunderstanding.
But within that, there is also space to grow.
To listen more closely.
To understand more deeply.
To support more intentionally.
Because sometimes, being heard begins with learning how to truly be there.
At aLife, we recognise that partners are also part of the journey, navigating their own fears, questions, and growth.